just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
