I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i think i have herpe
just one?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
