when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
