There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
