If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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