is your mom at the bar?
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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