Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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