you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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