I didn't shave. On purpose
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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