At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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