We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
