i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
