did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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