I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
