That's when you crack a 10am beer
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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