I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
