Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
