My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
