I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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