He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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