I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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