I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Dignity is for republicans.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
