i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
how does that bad decision feel?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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