so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
