last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize