I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize