Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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