so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
