I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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