All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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