I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
