she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
