Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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