i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
