So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
