Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
