the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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