Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
