All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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