He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
