He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
