If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
