just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
