She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
