Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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