This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
