How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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