i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
