On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
