I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
