the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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