So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
