I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
