I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
