So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
