Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
