This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
