Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Acid is not a monday night drug
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize