every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
