Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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