Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
