pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
