They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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