hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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