I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
