I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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