she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
