Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
