feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
