oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
